Burning
by Lies.And.Distraction
Summary: His eyes are strangely blank as he watches the scene- the flames flickering, growing, consuming and consuming until there's nothing left. (Or, the destruction of Shibuya.)


His eyes are strangely blank as he watches the scene- the flames flickering, growing, consuming and consuming until there's nothing left. Sanae hasn't known exactly how Joshua's felt about his city for a while, knew from the beginning of the Game that Joshua was serious about this, but- damn it, he thought he would feel _something_, at least. Joshua is Composer (was, his mind whispers; can't be Composer if you have nothing to your name). It's _his_ city, and he's _destroying_ it. This is too clinical, too detached, zero response to something that should be traumatizing.

He looks away, covers his mouth but scratches at his stubble to hide his discomfort. Maybe he still can't blame Joshua, because they all saw this coming, but... He wishes it had turned out differently. Wishes he didn't have to look at Joshua and say, "All right, do it," because they ran out of options (not that he could've stopped him; it's very hard to change Joshua's mind once he's decided something.).

In the RG, no one knows anything so terrible is happening. At most, they feel something cold, something wrong, sweep through them- but quickly shake it off. They'll be fine for a while. It'll be weeks, maybe months if they're lucky, and then they'll realize that something's off. Perhaps not consciously, but it'll be the beginning of a mass exodus, creative types moving where Imagination is still alive, too stifled here in the ruins of a kingdom that once thrived.

"What'll you do now?"

Sanae is startled to hear the question, startled by how soft Joshua's voice is. He looks back over. Joshua hasn't moved, eyes still trained on the flames. "...You mean now that-"

"Now that there's no Shibuya to watch over." His tone is distantly curious, and Sanae shivers.

"...I dunno," he says, turns away again and tries to shake off this sudden chill. He doesn't want to think about this, but he doesn't have much choice, with reality burning right in front of him. "...I guess they'll probably reassign me. Ikebukuro, maybe. I hear their Composer is hard to deal with... Makes for a high turnover rate. Or maybe I'll go international. See the Americas." There's nothing funny about it, and his laughter comes out flat.

It doesn't seem real. They've been together for... He's lost count of the years. Shibuya has been as close a thing to home as he's ever had. And now there's no way he could stay, even if he wanted to. When Joshua's done, Shibuya will be entirely devoid of any shred of Soul- wild Imagination, Noise, all life. Humans might be able to continue to live here- especially the less-creative ones- but for beings who depend on the energy of the UG... It would be suicide to stay.

There'll never be another place like this. That's why he wanted to stop this. That's why he wanted to fix things. He thought if he couldn't change anything, he would surely be Erased- but no, here he is, standing in the ashes, unable to hate Joshua, but violently trying to fight back bitterness.

It was for the sake of the rest of the world. Shibuya was becoming poisonous. If it had all spread- if it were more than just a small part of the world's UG becoming corrupt...

It's a sacrifice they had to make.

But there's another sacrifice they made that leaves him feeling old and tired, something else he fought for and now has to lose.

He breathes in, sighs. Steps up to Joshua's side and follows his gaze. "And you know what this means for you, don't you?"

Joshua chuckles, then smiles at him, eyes warm instead of blank. "Oh, come, now, Sanae. That's a stupid question. We both knew this was coming. What's a Composer who has no song to compose?" he asks, and he's way too calm about it. "Don't look so upset. It was inevitable that if I destroyed Shibuya, I would have to follow."

Sanae can't respond, too choked up for a moment- grabs Joshua's shoulder, more for his sake than Joshua's. "No hard feelings," and it's supposed to be a question, but it hardly even comes out as a whisper.

Pain flashes through Joshua's eyes, sudden and obviously strong, but he stands up straight instead of sinking to the ground, puts his free hand over Sanae's. "None. Thank you for doing what you had to do."

He nods, looks at the flames. They're starting to level out, and he opens his senses for a moment just to- he flinches, slams his mental walls back up. _Shit._ What Joshua must be feeling right now... "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

Joshua smiles at him, very little sign on his face of the agony Shibuya is experiencing. Sanae curses himself for not remembering, in light of how Joshua has opened up to him over the last few years, that Joshua has always been good at hiding his emotions. None of this is as easy as he makes it appear, and his love for Shibuya hasn't faded a bit. Of course he would want to seem like he's not torn up about destroying his world. Appearances are everything, and weakness is not acceptable. Even now. Especially now.

"Me, too," is all he says. It's also an apology, Sanae knows- "Sorry I picked the wrong Proxy. Sorry I couldn't prevent any of this. Sorry I didn't notice when this all started, couldn't stop it before it began."

They stand there in silence for a while, and Sanae winces every time Joshua urges the flames higher, even though he's shut himself off so entirely that he can't feel his _own_ energy, much less Shibuya's final cries.

He almost doesn't catch it when Joshua asks, very quietly, "Will you stay until the end?" He sounds like a child again, though he hasn't been one in many years.

Sanae chokes up again, isn't sure if he wants to answer with a forceful, "No!", or if he just doesn't want this to be happening at all. Likely the second, because as much as it'll hurt, he can't possibly leave Joshua to do this on his own. "Yeah, kid." He clears his throat, and his grip on Joshua's shoulder probably gets too tight, but Joshua just smiles again, a little wobbly this time. "Yeah. I'll stay."

He doesn't know how he'll find the strength, how he'll keep from falling apart, but he'll stay.


End file.
